Give me a Ring
by Dahlia Mockery
Summary: Yuffie buys Vincent a cellphone. He's grateful for the gift but now he has a bigger problem to tackle choosing the perfect ringtone. The last thing he wants to listen to is My Hips Don't Lie! [oneshot.]


Oh boy, this is scary! I haven't written anything except for CATS in such a long time! (hides) Come on, Quid, you can do this! (inhales and steps out) I got this idea a while ago and it stuck with me. It was tons of fun to write becuase I liked choosing songs that didn't fit Vincet at all! I hope you all enjoy!

_**-Quidam**_

* * *

**Disclaimer:** The following songs belong to these artists: Sharika, Three Dog Night, Styx, Rednex, Green Day, the Beatles (my idols), Black Eyed Peas, Prince, Madonna (ew!), the Dresdens Dolls (my heros) and the wonderful, the almighty, the utterly amazing Andrew Lloyd Webber! (Yes, I'm a geek, don't rub it in!) 

I do not own all of the FVII charecters but I really wish I did!

* * *

"Do you think he'll like it?" Yuffie asked Tifa.

"Oh, he'll love it!" She smiled. "I mean, Vincent is a hard guy to buy for."

"Well he needs to get with the times!" The ninja rolled her eyes, blowing hair out of her face. "I mean, who doesn't have a cell phone?"

"True. So, what ring tone did you get him?"

"Well since I don't know what Vincent's favorite songs are, I just choose some popular ones that he can choose from."

"Good idea!" There was a slight pause between the two of them. "Vincent listens to music?"

* * *

"It's small."

"That's the way cell phones are Vincent." Cid said.

Ignoring the comment, Vincent Valentine continued to stare at the small black device that he held in his hand. He wasn't big on gifts but it was from Yuffie. It wasn't his birthday or anything special like that. She had told him she felt like getting him a gift. Although it would probably take him at least a year to learn how to use it, he felt slightly touched that she had thought of him.

He opened it up, the screen lighting up immediately. He squinted his eyes and inspected his new gadget when suddenly..

_**And I'm on tonight**_

_**You know my hips don't lie**_

_**And I'm starting to feel it's right**_

_**All the attraction, the tension**_

_**Don't you see baby, this is perfection**_

The phone went flying as Vincent went falling backwards. Instantly, Vincent grabbed for his gun, ready to shoot the small black phone.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Cid ran in front of him. "Calm down."

"What's going on?" Cloud entered the room, Marlene at his heels.

"Oh! Mr. Valentine got a cell phone!" She smiled sweetly. "Was that your ring tone?"

"Ring tone?"

"Phones don't just ring. They can play music." Cloud said, taking the phone.

"Yuffie must have bought you a couple." Cid said with a smile.

"Can I change it?" Asked a rather annoyed Vincent.

"Sure, lets see."

Cloud flipped through the ringtones. Scanning down the list, he found a song and pressed the button. Instantly, a jumpy, hearty rock song began to play.

_**Jeremiah was a bullfrog **  
**Was a good friend of mine  
I never understood a single word he said  
But I helped him a-drink his wine  
And he always had some mighty fine wine  
Singin'... **_

"No."

"Okay," Cloud stopped the song. "How about this one?"

_**Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto,  
Mata ah-oo hima de  
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto,  
Himitsu wo shiri tai**_

"What the?" Vincent eyed Cloud oddly.

_**You're wondering who I am-machine or mannequin  
With parts made in Japan, I am the modern man **_

_**I've got a secret I've been hiding under my skin  
My heart is human, my blood is boiling, my brain I.B.M.  
So if you see me acting strangely, don't be surprised**_

"Make it stop please." He groaned.

"I second that motion."

Cloud stopped the strange, techno song much to the relief of Vincent and Cid. Marlene had enjoyed dancing and was slightly disappointed when the music was stopped. Frowning, she continued her dancing even though there was no music to dance too. Cloud stared at her for a second and then looked back at Vincent's phone. Before he could push another button, Cid snatched it right out of blonde hero's hands.

"Lets see here," Cid grimaced slightly. "I wonder what this song is."

_**If it hadn't been for cotton-eye Joe  
I'd been married long time ago  
Where did you come from. Where did you go?  
Where did you come from cotton-eye Joe?**_

"Can I shoot it now?" Vincent asked through gritted teeth.

"Change the song Cid." Cloud said.  
"Alright, keep your shirt on!" He grumbled. "Alright, lets try this one---"

_**Don't wanna be an American idiot**_

_**Don't want a nation under the new media**_

_**And can you hear the sound of hysteria? **_

_**The subliminal mindfuck America.**_

_**Welcome to a new kind of tension**_

"Five seconds."

"Until what?"

"He shoots the phone." Cloud glanced at the Cerberus.

Rolling his eyes, Cid searched through the audio files once more. This was the last time he'd let Yuffie choose ringtones for someone. However, he did admit it would be rather hard to find a ringtone that fit Vincent. Come to think of it, did the guy even listen to music? The whole thought of Vincent even liking music stroke him as odd. As he thought about it some more, he realized that Vincent had never even mentioned liking music. Did he even know what music was?

"Try the next one." Cloud suggested.

"Alright but this is Yuffie we're talking about," Cid rubbed his neck. "I wouldn't be surprised if---"

_**We all live in a yellow submarine,  
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine,  
We all live in a yellow submarine**_

"Cid." Vincent growled.

"Alright next one."

_**  
What you gon' do with all that junk?  
All that junk inside your trunk?  
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,  
Get you love drunk off my hump.  
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump**_

_"Cid." _He growled once more.

"Hang on!" The old man sighed.

_**Starfish and coffee  
Maple syrup and jam  
Butterscotch clouds, a tangerine  
And a side order of ham**_

"NO!"

"Cool it Vincent," Cloud eyed Cid. "Next one."

_**Like a virgin  
Touched for the very first time  
Like a virgin  
When your heart beats  
Next to mine**_

"CID!"

"Vincent, give me the gun!"

Marlene stopped dancing.

_**Living in a material world  
And I am a material girl  
You know that we are living in a material world  
And I am a material girl**_

"I am going to murder Yuffie!"

"Vincent! Gun! Now!" Cloud ordered.

_**Coin operated boy  
Sitting on the shelf  
He is just a toy  
But I turn him on and he comes to life  
Automatic joy that is why I want  
A coin operated boy**_

"What the hell?" He snarled angrily.

"Give the damn gun!"

Marlene backed away.

_**We are strong**_

_**No one can tell us were wrong  
Searching our hearts for so long **_

_**Both of us knowing  
Love is a battlefield**_

"That's it! That ninja is going to die tonight!"

"Vincent, put down that gun!"

Marlene screamed.

"Come on, come on!" Cid's eyes frantically searched for something Vincent for like. "AHA!"

Vincent and Cloud stared at Cid who had his hand raised over his head. He was doing what seem like a mad jig of happiness. Marlene had stopped dancing and was now hiding behind Cloud, staring at Cid's strange dance. Once he stopped, he regained himself and held up the phone.

"I have the perfect song for you." He grinned.

* * *

Yuffie was jumpy.

Okay, more jumpy than normal.

She paced back and forth, awaiting to hear the wondrous song that was Vincent's cellphone. She couldn't help but feel proud of herself. Making Vincent up to code was a hard but someone had too do it! Besides, he was so unhip at times it wasn't even funny! He didn't even have an Mp3 player! At least she had an idea for a Christmas present.

The door to the bar opened. Turning, Yuffie saw the tall and dark Vincent Valentine slowly stalk towards her. Smiling, she sat down on the stool and waited for him to close in. When he reached the bar, he didn't say anything. He sat down and waited for Tifa. Yuffie cocked her head when she got the silent treatment. Pouting, she kicked him slightly. He glanced at her, still silent. Frowning, she kicked him again. Ignored her this and time, she kicked him even harder.

"Hm?"

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Did you like the phone?" She asked.

"Yeah, it's nice." He shuffled around in his pocket.

"Did you choose a ringtone?"

"Yep."

"Good! Let me hear!"

Flipping it out, Vincent clicked a few buttons and then showed the phone to the rather hyper thief.

_**Sing once again with me, our strange duet,  
My power over you, grows stronger yet  
And though you turn from me, to glance behind.  
The Phantom of the Opera is there -inside your mind**_

Yuffie's smile wavered only for a second. Vincent, on the other hand, seemed rather content with his eerie ringtone. For a moment, she could have sworn he smiled at her but she figured it was just her imagination.

"So--you liked that one." She said.

"Yuffie," He stared at her. "Next time, let me pick the ringtone."

* * *

** Those are two of my ringtones. .**


End file.
